Crankiness

Oh my... today I'm afraid I was wearing my "Ms. Cranky Pants" hat... It's not a pretty hat. It's dingy, dirty, and faded from the many times it's been worn. And yet... I still end up putting it on, it seems like, all the time. And today I just picked that thing up and slapped it on my head and didn't care. And that's where I left it... all day... well, at least until later afternoon, when I ate 6 pieces of dark chocolate (yes, I said six... don't judge), and suddenly the world was a magical place. Dark chocolate is apparently the antidote to all crankiness. It's true... I just wish I had figured it out sooner... Anyway, I think my crankiness has been building and building for a while now. You see, some times (read this as most of the time) I feel like I'm making a horrible mess of this life I've been given. And lately, I've really been convicted about, well, everything. It all started on Sunday. I went to church, and no, that's not what made me cranky. But boy was I ever convicted that I have been giving in to the flesh for too long. But do you think I went home and vowed to fight the flesh and live a better life for God? No, I ate way too much food for lunch, felt sick, took a nap, and then sat on the couch watching t.v. for pretty much the rest of the night. Flesh 5, Bethy zip... and I just seemed to continue in this way... Monday I overslept (man the flesh is really kicking some major booty now)... and then I didn't work out... again... in fact, I haven't worked out in forever (Flesh 500, Bethy -250)... And I've realized that I've just been giving into the flesh over and over again. So much so that I wasn't even aware that Flesh was beating me into the ground, until today... which of course is what brought on my crankiness. Because I'm ashamed that I've let Flesh win... I've let Flesh take over my physical, emotional, and spiritual life. I have blatantly looked sin in the face and chosen what "felt good" over what I knew was right. I've let my body and "how I feel" dictate to me what I do... I feel like eating six pieces of dark chocolate... I don't feel like working out today... I want to sleep in for an extra 10 minutes, and who cares if that makes me late... and so on, and so on. No more. It's time to "beat my body and make it my slave"... I need to "put aside all hindrances" and seek to live a life more holy and Christ-like. It's time to throw out the "Flesh Rules" hat for good... and maybe someday I can also hang up the "Cranky" hat as well... that could be asking too much of me though... I'm a work in progress...

Lessons from an airplane

Sunday afternoon I was on a plane heading back to Chicago and in the row behind me was a family with a three year old. The second they put the seat belt on the three year old, he started screaming and throwing a temper tantrum. This lasted for what felt like forever. In the plane I was annoyed... but as I sit here thinking about life I'm grateful for the lesson God has shown me through this. So often in my life I feel like that three year old having a fit. I yell and I scream and I cry that I'm not getting my way. I get angry that God isn't giving me what I want. This kid's parents were trying to keep him safe. What they were putting him through was for his own good and it was necessary. So is God's plan for us. It is often hard to accept, but it is always for our own good and necessary for our growth. It is through the difficulties in life that we learn and are refined. How many times have I gotten angry with God and forgotten that He loves me and cares for me? He knows my deepest sorrows and longings. He knows when I hurt and cry and He's not putting me through the pain because He wants to. He's letting me experience the pain so that I remember to turn to Him, so that I can learn that His ultimate plan is for my own good. And I can kick, and scream, and cry just as long as I want, but His plans will not change. He will work everything out according to His will. Sometimes I just wish that I could accept and rest in that knowledge... without the temper tantrums.